The General Conviction: Men's Mental Health

The General Conviction

With Men

Welcome back, dear readers! At the beginning of this month, we announced that JustConscientia would be celebrating August as Mental Health Awareness Month, and we that had a special project coming up. 

Each week of this month, we will be talking to young people of different groups, to understand their perspectives on mental health. Starting off with week one, we talked to several young men and boys to find out what they think of mental healthcare for men, stereotypes and what role they play in men's upbringing, and even more. We interviewed our friends and acquaintances, and received these answers. All respondents have been marked anonymous to protect their privacy. 

[Disclaimer: Since we are a youth-run initiative based in India, our respondents are also young people from India. This project is in no way intended to be an ultimatum for young people's views on mental health and healthcare. We in no way intend to harm any individuals or groups, and all responses have been used anonymously, with the respondents' consent.]

So without further ado, let's get into this month's first interview, on mental health with men!

JC: Mental Health in Indian society is often stigmatised. Many have said that approaching others for help is harder for men. Do you agree with this statement?

Here, one-third (1/3) of respondents said no, either they feel that mental health is not stigmatised or that men approaching others for help is not harder. 

The remaining two-thirds (2/3rds) of respondents agreed with this statement. 

"I do agree with this statement. I think there are a lot of factors. From early childhood, men- or boys, are constantly conditioned to repress their emotions. Because of this stereotype of boys being the "man of the family" and being told that being a man means making money, putting bread on the table, and being strong; there comes a time where a man feels weak, due to any type of stress not only is their cry for help shunned by society but by themselves as well."

JC: Men are often told that emotions are feminine, and that expressing emotion is 'emasculating'. Do you believe that this affects mental health awareness amongst men? If yes, how does if affect men?

"A lot of the times it is not the CAUSE for mental health issues amongst men but according to me it FUELS such issues. It may not be the reason they’re suffering from whatever the are but it could make it worse since it’s hard for them to come forward with such issues."

"It certainly affects men. I’ve never experienced it because my parents understood this problem. It makes men feel forcibly closed, and that they’re not allowed to share what females can. This happens a lot in the education system too. If a boy is injured, he is told to ‘shrug it off’. On the contrary, if the same happens to a girl, she gets the help she needs. This might not always be true, but this has happened more often than not."

"If men cannot act ‘manly’, he is looked down upon, even by his own parents and family. This certainly puts a lot of pressure on us because the consequences are devastating."

JC: Do you feel your home is a safe space to discuss your feelings, and does your family support you the way they would support your female family members emotionally?

Here, the JC team saw varied and mixed responses. A handful are:

"It is. I have shared my feelings and thoughts many times, and got a response which didn’t include a form of sexism. I was told to ‘toughen up’ a couple of times not because a I was a male, but because I needed to face the problem headfirst."

"I think a lot of men also themselves feel uncomfortable talking about mental health issues with their family. My family is extremely supportive to my sister and her mental health issues and I believe they’d be equally supportive if it happened to me. "

"No, there is a small amount of partiality but that does not affect me too much."

JC: The Indian media plays a large role in enforcing stereotypes adhering to toxic masculinity. Have such portrayals of masculinity affected you in any way? 

Most respondents said no, and many have said they choose to ignore such portrayals in the media, and not give them importance. 

JC: What has your experience with mental healthcare been like? Have you ever approached anyone for help? How did they react?

"Yes. It took some time for me to clarify that mental health isn't a taboo at home but after that I got some support." 

"I’ve usually approached only my parents for these issues. They gave me advice that I didn’t want to hear, but it was the right one. For example - If someone annoys or angers you, don’t react to them. These people feed off of your anger, and have fun watching you feel bad about it. Instead, just ‘shrug it off’ and move on. (Notice that ‘shrug it off’ in this case is a gender neutral phrase)."

"It has been about average. No, as I feel that no one cares enough."

JC: Men are often told to "man up" or that "men don't cry". What are some other phrases you've heard while expressing emotions?

"I’ve never heard sexist feedback when expressing my emotions, mainly because they were only my parents."

"As a kid I’ve definitely heard such statements when I expressed emotions. What will people think and questions like that have been asked to me by family and even myself."

Here, JC received mixed responses. But some of the phrases respondents mentioned to us were:

“Ladki hai kya?” [Are you a girl or what?]

“Be a man.”

“Why do you run like a girl?”

“Don’t cry like a girl.”

JC: Do you believe male victims of abuse and harassment aren't taken seriously enough? If yes, what can we do to help them?

"Yes. Take them seriously. Pay attention and get them [victims] to open up and help them out."

"I do believe that male victims of abuse and harassment aren't taken seriously enough mainly because of the toxic stereotypes saying that men are strong and if they are being abused it must be because they did something."

"Often when men are harassed or assaulted, when they complain to some authority, a lot of people just say "oh, why didn't you stop them" or "tujhe to mazaa aa raha hoga" [you must've been having fun]. That's why I think that it's not taken as seriously as cases in which women  experience the same thing. I think what we can do is to try to normalise men asking for help or going to therapists. "

"My knowledge is limited in this matter. However, any person irrespective of gender, facing harassment/abuse should be listened to and helped in whatever little way possible.

JC: What can the other genders do to de-stigmatise mental health and emotion for men? 

Raise awareness about it. Approach and try to help people who they think may be going through hard times."

"If there is acceptance to show men's emotions, they have done more than enough."

"Other genders are doing more than enough (probably because they have faced sexist issues themselves, and they can empathize). We won’t be able to change how people think now, but if we keep up the equality attitude, this world will change for the better."

JC: What can men do to help each other and normalise mental health, expressing emotion and asking for help?

"Men can talk to each other, and try to break the stereotype that men have to be "strong" all the time. Showing emotions does not make them weak."

"To start, men should talk about what they are feeling/going through to their friends or family so that it does not seem like an alien thing to do. Also stop using phrases like 'men don't cry' etc. To normalise expressing emotion they must start to do so to each other as well. Only if they’re comfortable of course, but talking to other supportive men is often extremely helpful for an impressionable young man.”

"Before starting, I would like to tell you that in my experience, trying to change sexist, racist, homophobic, etc. people doesn’t always work. It is easier to change a generation of people. 

I honestly feel that the case isn’t with men having to support men. It’s the parents, attitude of the community and beliefs that need to change. But yes, men need to support each other without embarrassment, or worry about what their parents’ beliefs are.”

In conclusion, the JC team has learned that young men around us are actively trying to bring about a change in mindset. As stated in one of the answers, "We won’t be able to change how people think now, but if we keep up the equality attitude, this world will change for the better." 

The general consensus is that many agree that mental health- in India- is stigmatised. Yet, that stigma is gradually being broken down, with new ideas, concepts, and ways of spreading awareness for changing and shaping the course of the world- and this generation- for the better. The youth has an immense power- the power of awareness and knowledge, and by spreading both, we can bring a revolutionary change in the minutes and thoughts of the people living in this world. 

A big thank-you to all our wonderful friends and readers who participated in this survey! Next week, we're talking about mental health in the LGBTQ+/ GSRM community. If you would like to participate, leave a comment below, or DM us on Instagram @justconscientia. Our next survey will be posted up here, on the blog, as well as on our social media account. 

And remember, we are always with you!

-JC Team. 

Survey created by the JC Team

Survey passed by Devina

Answers compiled by Nikita and Nitya. 

[Note: Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.]